Why new year’s resolutions don’t work and what to do instead!

desire-mapIt’s that time of the year again when you look back and reflect on what you have achieved (or not!) and either feel proud of yourself or like a failure because you didn’t do nearly as much as you promised yourself you would (or a mixture of both!).  Personally I have a mixture of ticks and crosses for things that I wanted to do in 2016 but overall I feel really good about 2016.

Looking back and reflecting on the past year is a great exercise to do every year before the New Year starts to celebrate all the things you’ve done and become, let go of anything you don’t need to take with you into the New Year, think about what you’ve learned from things that didn’t go as well so that you don’t need to learn the lesson again and open the doors to what you want to achieve the following year.  I have my reflection scheduled in for 18th December.  I’ve learned the golden rule of schedule it in or it will never happen!

Most people start New Year with a huge list of things they want to have, be or do outside of themselves.  Lose that extra weight, make that career change, start that business, travel to that place, find that soul mate, eat healthier, get fit, get rich or become a better person!  You start in January full of motivation for all the changes you are going to make. This time you are going to make it happen!  This time you are going to change your life!  However, come February you’ve realised that it won’t be as instant or as easy as you first imagined and declare that you just ‘can’t’ do it and have failed so chuck in the towel!

We’ve all done it!  Here are 3 reasons why New Year’s resolutions never seem to last very long:-

  1. You don’t connect with your why

Why do you want what you want?  There must be a big why that you connect with.  It must go deeper than surface level. When it starts to get hard that reason will carry you through.  A great revelation to me was that it’s not the actual goal your after anyway, it’s the feeling that goal will bring that you really want.  Connect with that feeling and you’ve got the secret sauce right there!

  1. You overwhelm yourself

Dreaming big is great and I myself have big dreams but they must be broken down into smaller manageable steps.  Big desires are achieved through small daily practices.  Set yourself up for success and aim for smaller achievable goals that you will smash and celebrate along the way and most importantly they feel good.  That is how momentum is built!  It can be totally overwhelming if you are aiming too high.  Yes have your eyes on the big prize but focus on taking small steps and soon all those small steps will add up to massive change!  Three is always a good number of goals or changes to make at any one time.  More than that and you will overwhelm yourself.

  1. You want it now!

Creating change is hard!  In this time of instant gratification and fast paced society, if we don’t get it instantly then we lose interest. If you want to change your life you have to be in it for the long haul.  You have to commit to a long term relationship with your goals and not a one night stand! How do you be in it for the long term? Connect with your why and the feeling you want from it.  Feeling good is the main ingredient that is usually missing when working towards goals.

So what do you do instead?

A better way of setting goals is to take the time to figure out how you want to feel first and then set your daily, weekly, monthly and even yearly intentions from there.  It’s an inside out way of setting goals.  Start with the end feeling and work backwards from there.  This method is called ‘desire mapping’ and it’s all about feeling good.  When you feel good, things just flow and feel effortless.  You allow your desires to unfold rather than strive for them.  You might also find that you actually didn’t want what you thought you wanted in the first place.  Desire mapping is all about your truth!

Sound good? Are you based in Glasgow? I am running a Desire Map plus Yoga workshop on 29th January at In the Moment, Glasgow.  Combining it with Yoga is even more powerful as you are limbering up your mind, body and soul while you are doing the process to go even deeper.  You can find out more and get tickets here.

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Don’t forgot, I also offer a 3 month Desire Map coaching series where you will get one-to-one coaching from me to help you through your transformation to creating a life that feels amazing!  Find out more here.

Please get in touch if you want to talk about anything Desire Map!

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